Best friends - going the way of the dodo?

Almost all of us have one, or at least had one, growing up. That friend who you tell everything, and who tells you everything. Your partner in crime, your soul-sister or brother, that one person who will always be there for you, through thick and thin. The one who will be your Best Man or Maid of Honour (or something really off-beat if you're both different genders) in your wedding. The shoulder you cried on or the laugh that made you feel good even when you were down in the dumps.

How can that be a bad thing?

It seems some educators and child psychologists think that it is.

According to this New York Times article, some educators and child psychologists are trying to discourage kids from having a "best friend."

"Most children naturally seek close friends. In a survey of nearly 3,000 Americans ages 8 to 24 conducted last year by Harris Interactive, 94 percent said they had at least one close friend. But the classic best-friend bond — the two special pals who share secrets and exploits, who gravitate to each other on the playground and who head out the door together every day after school — signals potential trouble for school officials intent on discouraging anything that hints of exclusivity, in part because of concerns about cliques and bullying."

'I think it is kids’ preference to pair up and have that one best friend. As adults — teachers and counselors — we try to encourage them not to do that,' said Christine Laycob, director of counseling at Mary Institute and St. Louis Country Day School in St. Louis. 'We try to talk to kids and work with them to get them to have big groups of friends and not be so possessive about friends.'

'Parents sometimes say Johnny needs that one special friend,' she continued. 'We say he doesn’t need a best friend.'"

Colour me flabbergasted (I'm not sure what colour that is, but whatever it is, that's what I look like right now).

Am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?

I am all for inclusiveness, and having a wide circle of friends, and I'm definitely against bullying and cliques. But we are all drawn to certain types of people more deeply than others, somebody we can bond with and form that special relationship that transcends the years. No matter how many friends you have, not all of them are confidantes. Some of them are friends for certain reasons or through certain activities, but you don't share your entire life with them.

Who in their right mind is going to be that way with a whole bunch of people? Are all of these people going to be with you throughout your life? Think of the cost of all the wedding ceremonies! Not to mention how unwieldy your weekend fishing trips will be.

I'm not a child psychologist, and I don't play one on TV either. But this sounds completely wrong to me.

Don't even get me started on the "play date" concept that's also briefly mentioned in the article.

"'I don’t think it's particularly healthy for a child to rely on one friend,' said Jay Jacobs, the camp’s director. 'If something goes awry, it can be devastating. It also limits a child's ability to explore other options in the world.'"

I don't believe this.

Thankfully, not all have sampled this Kool-Aid.

"'Do we want to encourage kids to have all sorts of superficial relationships? Is that how we really want to rear our children?' asked Brett Laursen, a psychology professor at Florida Atlantic University whose specialty is peer relationships. 'Imagine the implication for romantic relationships. We want children to get good at leading close relationships, not superficial ones.'"

Exactly. When you stretch the net too thin, whether it's for fishing or friendship, you're never going to get anything that's really meaningful.

This idea is so disheartening, and yet another way that we're not letting kids be kids anymore. This time, it's not in the name of their physical safety that their growth is being stunted. It's their emotional safety.

If this attitude takes precedence in child-rearing in the near future, I really don't want to be around to see the adults that these kids grow into.