I'll bet you're expecting your weekly dose of ham-fisted music videos, eh?
Well, it seems that one of the interns at One Hit Wonders Inc...let's just say that she didn't wash her hands before coming in to work yesterday.
That resulted in this outside our building.
It was chaos, especially when one of the vice presidents thought this would be the perfect opportunity to try a coup.
Needless to say, he's not around anymore.
Uh....Raquel? Are you sure you won't help me hide the body?
Anyway, assuming that the plague runs its normal course (instead of heading right down Robson all the way down to Richards, then turning left), I should be back to normal next week.
Yes, you can hear the dulcet (or annoying, take your pic) sound of my voice, as Episode 4, the Zombie Apocalypse, is now on the air!
Apologies in advance for the audio quality of the interview. We're taking steps to make sure that doesn't happen again, but unfortunately there was no way around it this time.
We're also starting to play around with new recording formats, so hopefully it will sound better in general in the future as well.
As usual, you can subscribe on iTunes (search for "EPLT") or just keep watching here, as I'll be posting whenever we have a new one up. It's perfect for those early morning gym visits.
No, the book review itself is not worth dying for (though if you truly believe that, I'm honoured!).
Instead, this is a review of Lee Child's latest book, Worth Dying For. It's another in the Jack Reacher series of novels, a direct sequel (at least in time, not in events) to 61 Hours.
Unfortunately, it's nowhere near as good. Yet it's still riveting.
How is that possible? It's because Child's prose and dialogue is so riveting, you simply can't put the book down. However, the characters and the ending are just flat compared to the writing itself.
"Jack Reacher, the ex-military cop turned drifter, is making his way to Virginia from snowy South Dakota, but he ends up stopping in an extremely remote part of Nebraska - so remote that the nearest civilization is sixty miles further south. The area is under the sinister control of the Duncan family, a clan that has the few residents so terrorized that they can do pretty much anything without consequence. When Eleanor Duncan, young Seth Duncan’s wife, calls the local doctor to help her after another beating, Reacher has to basically guilt the doctor into going out to her house. Something as simple as this ends up involving Reacher in a fight against the Duncans, as well as some international agents who are very interested in the cargo that the Duncan family is bringing in from Canada. With Reacher in the way, commerce can’t continue. He has to be taken out."
Sounds kind of interesting, doesn't it? And it is.
I initially gave it 4 stars on Goodreads before writing my review, but as I was writing it, I started coming up with all of these other things that were wrong with the book. It was like having four pieces of chocolate cake: it was so good going down, but it gives you a stomachache afterwards.
Even so, if I can't put a book down, it has to at least get three stars.
Every time I've walked through our building's lobby over the last couple of weeks, I've seen it: the messy-looking pile of yellow books, neatly-stacked but slightly askew. Yes, they are the annual delivery of telephone books.
In years past, when the new phone books have come out, the concierge (or someone, anyway) has placed a copy outside everybody's door. For a few years, we even received two: a small little Yellow Pages only and another huge residential directory. We took them in, placed them on a shelf somewhere (unless we needed to hold something up, as the big ones sometimes made a really good monitor stand if you need just a little more height), and left them to collect dust until we decided to recycle them.
They always went unused. In this day and age of online directories, internet-capable phones and mobile devices, and people with their own electronic address books, how many people actually use the phone book anymore? Do most of them sit, lonely and ignored, on a shelf somewhere, wanting desperately to be opened and have a phone number looked up? Forever to be disappointed? And then into the recycling bin they go!
Some people build up a collection of them, the annual arrival just being dumped on top of last year's, unless something around the house needs propping up.
Then, finally, in a fit of Spring Cleaning, all of them get dumped into the bin, to be recycled into something else eventually.
Maybe another telephone book?
Are there enough people using these books to actually make it worthwhile (both economically and environmentally) to keep printing them? Are there enough eyes looking at the Yellow Pages to make a full-page ad in them worth paying for? Unless such an ad also applies to the online version of the Yellow Pages, of course.
I see ads on our Seattle TV stations for Dex, with the guy sitting in your kitchen waiting to answer your question (which is kind of creepy, if you really think about it). And then he turns into a computer, because he's advertising the Dex online directory service.
Thankfully, this year, rather than distributing all of the books to every unit in the building, they have the stack of books in the lobby where people can pick one up if they want one. They must have received a lot of complaints over the years. If people don't pick one up by today, the rest will be sent back to wherever. I haven't noticed the pile of books disappearing appreciably.
Do you still get a phone directory book? And if so, does it get used? For what? Actual phone numbers? Or a convenient prop?
I'd love to hear your phone book stories too, if you have them.
Have you ever been outside, standing in the rain, getting drenched, and thought to yourself:
What am I doing here? Why is it raining? What was I supposed to pick up at the store? Why don't I have an umbrella? Did I leave it in the car? At my girlfriend's house? My other girlfriend's house? My wife's?
Or, the most important question:
How will I use these questions in my next one-hit wonders post?
Have you asked yourself those questions? If so, especially the last one, you'll be hearing from my lawyer.
Because those posts are *my* posts. Go make your own bad jokes about people disappearing into obscurity.
Or, people who *should*
Anyway, it's time for this week's edition of those same one-hit wonders! We're coming to the end of 2001, a really bad time for the country, but one that brought us together, at least temporarily (and for the most part). You'll see that reflected in at least a couple of the hits in today's post.
Today's post may not be as funny as usual, but I'll do my best!
As usual, you can find the list I'm taking these from here. But don't be looking ahead, or I'll have to hand you to my interns and let them have a go at you, like they did the last one to cross me, seen here.
Yes, I break a *few* child labour laws. What of it?
Here we go! 1) The Wiseguys: "Start the Commotion" (#31)(August 25, 2001)
Can I start a commotion about how bad "Start the Commotion" is? I think we should shout it from the rooftops. "This song sucks!!!! And it's giving me a migraine"
Or we could just have the king declare it as "bad and against the royal standards of taste" and just go all Anne Boleyn on them.
Then again, we may not have to. They already did that to their careers.
2) Afroman: "Because I Got High" (#13) (September 8, 2001)
A song about what smoking doobies can do to your life, kind of light-hearted (oh, that paraplegic humour! It kills me...so to speak), and with Jay & Silent Bob along for the ride! The poster boys of stoners everywhere. Of course, it wouldn't be proper to have a video like this without an implied police beating!
And you were doing so well.
Then, there's fat jokes! Woo!!!!
That's what's called "covering all of the bases." Kind of like what Barry Bonds did often, except with a different kind of juice.
The song itself is kind of a nice illustration of how messed up your life can be if you devote it to the Mary-Jane, and if it takes being light-hearted lyrics to get kids to listen to the actual message of the song (listen to the words? What a concept!!!), then I guess more power to him. He's doing a good job.
But c'mon, man. Fat jokes? Could you at least *try*?
3) Cyndi Thomson: "What I Really Meant to Say" (#26) (September 22, 2001)
This was a #1 Country hit that made a bit of a splash on the Billboard charts before disappearing back into obscurity (or the Country charts, same thing...I kid, I kid).
It's a pretty decent song, in that "it's a Country song, so there has to be some lamenting about love" kinda way. And kudos to Thomson for walking away from her career because she didn't feel up to it. She just simply didn't want to do it anymore. It would be nice if other artists did that, rather than keep putting out trash because you're addicted to the celebrity of it all.
C'mon, get out of the business. Make room for more deserving folk.
I've heard he plays a mean axe.
4) Lee Greenwood: "God Bless the USA" (#16) (September 29, 2001)
You mean this didn't hit #1? What's wrong with you, Joe Public?
This became a hit for obvious reasons, so I won't go into them. I will say that this song came out in 1984 and hit the Country charts. Is 17 years a record for a song between publishing and hitting the Billboard charts?
I think this is the original video, actually. You know how I can tell? No wrinkles! I mean on Greenwood. There are plenty on Grandma & Grandpa.
5) Alien Ant Farm: "Smooth Criminal" (#23) (November 10, 2001)
It's a rock remake of a Michael Jackson song! Why haven't we had more of these?
And it's made by silly-looking white guys.
Just like the original!!
(Too soon?)
I think they broke the Special FX budget with those shots of the guys leaning forward with falling.
Believe it or not, I can actually understand these guys better than Jackson! That's saying something. And I do love the nods to Jackson, like the lighted sidewalk (Billie Jean, I think), the monster (could have come out of Thriller) and others as well. How could I forget the monkey and the anti-germ mask on the kid!
Nice sense of humour guys!!
This is actually an awesome version of the song, and I hadn't heard it before. See? There is a reason I'm doing these other than to make bad jokes.
I don't know, though. There's something to be said for the ultra-violence of the Jackson version.
(Yes, I know it's from a short film that was part of Jackson's Moonwalker film. But I was still struck by the explosions and gunfire when I first saw the video in the early 90s)
6) Aaron Tippin: "Where the Stars & Stripes & The Eagles Fly" (#20) (December 29, 2001)
A song that celebrates America and the resilience with which it bounced back. It's a fitting end to 2001. I love the way that it not only celebrates those who work hard every day, and especially on that fateful day (firemen, policemen, etc), but also shows images of the diversity that the country has, all with a common goal: to celebrate the American dream.
Maybe it's just me, but it seems that most of the patriotism in the music business comes from the Country charts. I'm speaking of those who wear the flag and their feelings on their sleeves, not meaning to slam the actual thinking (or lack thereof) of any other artists.
Of course, even the Country scene isn't uniform in that way.
But it seems more so than most.
Anyway, on that note, we'll end 2001 and slink on in to 2002 next week. It seems 2001 wasn't really the year for one-hit wonders, with the fewest I've seen in a long while. But what it lacked in volume, it made up for in pure crappiness! Whew! It was a bad year, in more ways than one.
Let's hope 2002 gives us a little more hope, though. (Looking ahead, I don't see that happening, though...and it's shorter than this one!)
So let's ring out the old and ring in the new for the year, with Father Time and his wayward son.
Though they really shouldn't be drinking on the job. May have to report them to the Government.
It's time to start my day.
I'll bet you didn't know I was a ventriloquist too.
"The entire back catalog as well as new issues of Playboy magazine will become available on the iPad in March 2011, Playboy founder Hugh Hefner revealed via Twitter.
Furthermore, Hefner confirmed on Twitter that Playboy will be coming to iPad in its uncensored form, which makes sense, as we doubt many would be ready to pay for a watered-down version of the magazine."
Which is certainly true. But Steve Jobs has been very emphatic that porn and sexually explicit material will never be allowed on iTunes. Full frontal nudity, as in Playboy? That would seem to go against Jobs' policy. The Playboy app that's now available does not have any nudity in it.
Yet Hefner seemed pretty certain. He didn't say "We are working on getting Playboy available..." He said it "will" be available.
So which is it? Will Apple lower its standards? While Playboy's a big company, they seem to be losing some of their clout (I could be wrong, but that's the impression I get). Are they convincing Apple to make allowances for them, with the proper safeguards to prevent minors from getting access? I'm honestly not sure exactly how they would do that.
As Mashable points out later in the article, what does this mean for the future of adult material on the Apple platform? Is this the thin end of the wedge that will ultimately allow other age-restricted material onto iTunes?
And is this a good thing?
Personally, I don't think it's a bad thing as long as they don't allow it to be a slippery slope. If something's available down at the local gas station, I don't mind it being on the iPad (as long as they have effective ways to restrict it, which as I said, I'm having trouble imagining how they would do that). I do think they should keep sexually explicit apps out of the store, though.
That's a bit different.
Anyway, it will be interesting to see whether this really does come out in March.
They're doing construction on the building across the way here at UBC. Every time I look out my window, whether spending a moment daydreaming or trying to think, I see the red girders on the rooftop, arranged in some kind of grid-like fashion. They're obviously building another floor onto the building.
I take in the regularity of the layout, the perfect rectangles that the metal beams form, and I imagine what will eventually wrap those girders in a warm embrace. Concrete? Drywall? Both? Some find of fantastical new plastic polymer that will revolutionize the construction industry?
I see that, and I think of our own building, whether the building I'm currently working in or our condo downtown. I imagine the intricacy of what must lie beneath the walls and floors that we are encased in or walking on top of.
And I marvel.I marvel at what is holding us up so far above the ground. How all of these pieces fit together to form something so perfect that it will stand up in the wind, or even possibly an earthquake. How do we not fall through the floor? Or how does the floor support us? How is that roof supported? Yes, I know it's all engineering and physics. But to those of us who don't understand these things, it might as well be magic. You've probably heard the old adage from Arthur C. Clarke about "Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic."
How many things do we use every day that, if somebody from 1888 came forward in time and saw it and asked you about it, you wouldn't be able to explain how it works? Sure, you'd be able to explain how to use it. But how it works?
I recall reading something just recently (can't remember where, so if you recognize this, please let me know) that said travelling back in time wouldn't necessarily give you any advantage as far as technology goes, because you'd never be able to reproduce what you bring back. An iPhone? Sure, you could use it (though the roaming charges would be killer), but if it breaks? You'll never build another one.
Could you introduce automatic weapons and take over the world if you went back to 11th-century England? Of course not! You would have no idea how to make them. You would have a lot of knowledge the populace doesn't have, but how much of it is practical knowledge?
You can text Caesar and try and tell him to beware the Ides of March (though the cheapskate probably didn't spring for a text plan), but could you make the trip between Rome and Athens without help from the locals? Could you forage for food? Fight off bandits? (I suppose you could show them your phone and make them think you're some kind of demon, I guess, though they might just kill you right there).
Technology? Magic? What's the difference sometimes? One might as well be the other, as far as our understanding of certain things goes.
And does all of this mean I should stop looking out the window and get back to work?
***** This is part of Duane Scott's "Pleasantly Disturbed Thursdays" series, Volume 15. Go on over and check out the other entries!
This post is a personal journey culminating in a wish for the future.
I was a comic book collector for a very long time. I think I started collecting comics when I was in Junior High or High School (can't quite remember). I wasn't particular as far as companies went, other than the fact that they were all superhero comics (though I guess I did read the occasional Archie comic as well).
I collected all through college and through my years in Chicago. I figure it was around 10-15 years of comic book collecting. Sometimes more titles than others, but always a fair number.
And I devoured them.
I did keep them in plastic bags like a collector, but I always read them at least once before putting them away. I would file them away, in alphabetical order, in boxes that were designed to hold comics.
(The long ones, not the short ones)
I read as much as I could. Spider-Man was a favourite (there were four series with him at the time), Daredevil, Avengers, Fantastic Four (among others) from Marvel. Teen Titans, Justice League, Batman, Wonder Woman, etc from DC. As I got older, I read some of the more mature ones like Hellblazer and the pure beauty of Neil Gaiman's Sandman comic.
All read, then lovingly stored away in their boxes. Occasionally to be brought out again, but not that often (didn't want to destroy them in case I ever wanted to sell them!).
When I moved out to Seattle, and then to Vancouver, they couldn't come with me. I didn't have anywhere to put them. So my parents graciously allowed me to store them in their basement. But I kept collecting. I started new boxes in my new home. Which ones I collected changed often, but I was still collecting quite a bit.
Until finally I just looked at everything, the space they were taking up, the space they were taking up at my parents' house, and said "maybe I should get rid of these?" I was still enjoying them, but that enjoyment was slowly being superseded by the part of me that realized that I was running out of space, and the problem would only continue to grow.
So I got rid of them. 3000-4000 comics, sold. I don't remember for how much. The money wasn't important (though it was nice); it was the space and the effort of collecting that had become just too much for me. While they were enjoyable to read, they weren't enjoyable to collect anymore. So I stopped.
And never looked back.
In fact, I didn't really miss them that much.
Until both Marvel and DC came up with their iPhone and iPad apps that would let you read comics on the device, as well as Marvel's "Digital Subscription Service" that allows you to read over 8000 of the comics that they've digitized, all for a monthly subscription fee.
What an idea!! Electronic copies of comics that you have access to at anytime, and no storage!
And I'd be on that faster than a fly on...well, you can probably guess.
Except for two things, one limitation of the app/subscription and one much broader:
1) Where are the new titles?
So far, most of the comics available seem to be old comics and old stories. While that's kind of cool, what I'm interested in is paying a subscription for *new* comics that come out every month. Say print comics right now are $4.95 (I'm not sure what they actually are, but this is just an example). For $2.00/month, you could subscribe to each new issue of a comic (say, Detective Comics if DC was doing this). And it would be $2.00/month for each book, so if you wanted Action Comics as well, it would be $4.00/month. Maybe even a bulk rate if you subscribe to 5 or more titles.
That doesn't appear to be an option right now, though I would welcome being shown differently.
Instead, I see stories from 2005, 2001, 1995, and even reprints of the originals from back in the 60s. Which is definitely cool! Just not what I want.
2) The state of the comics industry
From everything I've heard, the superhero genre has gotten *really* strange, with massive reboots even more massive than the massive ones that were happening when I was collecting. Do any of the stories that I remember even still "exist?" (and by that, I mean in the current continuity, as I know the stories themselves still exist...don't be pedantic). Are they even well-written anymore? I don't know. I guess I could certainly dip my toe in...if they started offering the subscription option I mention above.
But Marvel's "Civil War" saga? From everything I heard about it, it was seriously stupid, though I guess some people might disagree. I certainly can't give an informed opinion about it.
Anybody knowledgeable in the current comics field have any recommendations? Something I can keep an eye out for if it's ever available electronically? Even smaller press, though obviously those are less likely to ever be available electronically.
This is a perfect technological way to bring back my childhood (and earlier adult years), one that would solve all of my storage problems and still allow me to enjoy something I love.
If I loved it anymore. I guess they do say you can never go back.
No, not that one! That's from my private collection. Stupid interns, don't know how to run the memory scanner. I swear, one day they're going to do this to me.
But you know what happens when you torture the boss, don't you?
That's right. No more benefits!!!!
Well, that and no more major medical and dental. (and who hired that new guy? I don't think he fits into the office culture here. You'd better go fire him).
Anyway, it's time for this week's one-hit wonders of the 2000s! We're almost done with 2001, and we haven't even hit our stride yet.
No, no, not *that* stride! Geez.
As usual, you can find the list I'm taking these from here.
You know what? Go look if you want to. I'll wait.
Wait, come back!!!
Here we go! #1) Moby: "South Side" (#14) (May 26, 2001)
This song features Gwen Stefani of No Doubt, which is doubtless (ha! See what I did there?) why the song actually became a hit.
Moby actually looks like he's having fun! That's actually quite the switch. I love the champagne fan that they give Gwen too. All in all, it's a rather silly video, which I don't think really fits the tone of the song, though I could be mistaken. They spend the entire song avoiding the South Side, so it doesn't make much sense to me.
Still, it's not a bad song. I'm not going to insult it, because I'm pretty sure my wife is a fan of it.
I have to sleep sometime...
2) Lil' Romeo: "My Baby" (#3) (June 30, 2001)
Wow, isn't it cool how he plays with punctuation? That apostrophe's misplaced young man!
Or maybe it isn't, and it's just replacing something else. Maybe his name's "Lily Romeo" and he didn't want a girl's name when he became famous?
Yeah, I'd go for that explanation.
Anything to avoid actually listening to this song. Jeez, he shouldn't even be *liking* girls at that age!
In fact, there's just so much wrong with this song and video that I'm just going to move on.
An ode to a woman that drives you crazy. Yeah, I can dig it! You tell 'em, buddy. I'm sure all of his friends are saying things like "yo, man, get rid of her! She nags you! She complains! She pulls the phone out of its socket when you're talking on it! She's psycho-insane!"
But as long as no bunnies are boiled, I'm sure everything's going to be ok.
And poor Jimmy. He has to be one of the few R&B singers to not have sex in his videos.
I guess that was probably her fault too. Maybe under all that revealing clothing she was wearing, this is what she's like.
This band is another one that really doesn't belong on this list, if it wasn't for the weird way Billboard does things. They've had a number of big Modern Rock hits, but because this is the only one that made the "regular" chart, they're considered a one-hit wonder.
It would be better if they gave me something to make fun of, but they don't really. They're not actually too bad, and the song is pretty good.
I'm already not good at this, and they're not providing me any material!!!!!!
I feel like this guy.
Yep, roundly ignored. That's me!!!
6) Willa Ford: "I Wanna Be Bad" (#22) (August 4, 2001)
This is the "explicit" version? Doesn't seem bad along with most of the other crap that was on MTV.
Ick. Sorry for the audio quality.
I hate to say it, but this almost sounds like Britney Spears.
So, like I said, sorry for the audio quality.
Yeah, she's super hot (hot enough to snag a hockey player. Though that's not exactly a high bar). But it's not surprising her musical career didn't take off (she posed in Playboy in 2006, which kind of tells you something). This is just the usual Pop dreck that seems to be foisted upon us by the record companies. Why did Britney make it and Willa not?
I honestly couldn't tell you. Maybe because Willa didn't go for the schoolgirl sexy look?
You want to see a major train wreck? Just look at her next song, "Did Ya Understand That."
Ok, it's all normal "Sexy Pop Dreck" (I like that phrase). Until there's about a minute left. It goes off the rails in an attempt to be hip or cutting edge or something like that.
Yikes.
And she married hockey player Mike Modano in 2007. Wasn't he, like, drafted the year she was born?
That's it for this week! We've got a couple of short weeks coming up, because 2001 only has 12 songs left (counting this week) and I'm not going to do a 12-song opus.
Besides, it's time to go off and watch football! You know that's my favourite sport. Especially this kind.
Yeah, women can watch the NFL for tight asses, and we can watch this for the same thing.
But before I do that, I have a confession to make.
And after that, I know how you women feel!
(Yes, I just provided another punctuation joke. I promise that will be my last one.
Yet another school-related incident to write about. Why do they keep giving me ammunition? (Whoops! Is that violent rhetoric I read?)
I've written about stupid school administrators and bad Zero Tolerance policies before, and you might think this is another one.
According to the Daily Drip (nice name!), a Seattle sports blog/news site, a middle school in the Seattle area has joined the ranks of Seahawks faithful while not allowing their students to like any other team. Or at least to demonstrate that like, anyway.
Truman Middle School decided to have a Seahawks Day, in honour of last week's (I assume, though maybe it's this week's?) playoff game, in order to show their Seahawks spirit. They would change the dress code for one day to allow students to wear Seahawks jerseys or paraphernalia instead of their normal school uniforms.
A kid decided he was a Pittsburgh Steelers fan (my kind of kid!) and wore that jersey to school instead. He was sent home for wearing "inappropriate" attire.
Now, given my response to the last time this happened (it was the last story in that post), you'd think I would be calling for the principal's head, right?
Well, you'd be wrong. The school administration specifically stated that the only change in the dress code would be for Seahawks stuff. They normally have a dress code that requires a uniform, so this allowance was very specific. The kid who wore the Steelers jersey was clearly breaking that allowance, and was rightly sent home to change.
How is this different from the previous case I wrote about? I don't know if this kid was sent home for the day or just to change clothes, but either way, it's not different than the previous case. Both times, the schools made specific exceptions to the school dress code, and these kids violated the code by not following the exception.
So why did I blast the guy down in Louisiana earlier this year?
Because I was wr...I was wro..... ("Spit it out!" - The Peanut Gallery)
I was wrong.
If schools are allowed to have dress codes (and that's an argument for another day), then they are entitled to make their specific exceptions, as long as they are clearly spelled out in advance. In both cases, if the exceptions were announced quite clearly (Saints jerseys in Louisiana, Seahawks jerseys in Seattle), then the kids have no recourse if they decide to wear a different team's jersey. They were told what the rule was. They broke it. End of story.
If the school had *required* them to wear jerseys or other team clothing, then I would be shouting from the rooftops about it. But schools are allowed to enforce their own dress code.
I misread the story last year, thinking that the rule wasn't Saints-specific. In re-reading it today to write about the Seahawks story, I see I did the principal a disservice.
So my apologies for that.
The Seahawks are still going to lose this weekend anyway, so it's a moot point.
Ok, not the radio, as it's pre-recorded. But Episode 3 of our work podcast is now up.
A few nerd references are sprinkled in amongst the other stuff, so hopefully even if you're not interested in the subject, you'll be entertained and will find it interesting anyway.
Also, I forgot to make a separate post about this, but you can now subscribe to us on iTunes! And we would really like subscriptions, as it would tell us that people are actually downloading our stuff.
So, you can find us one of three ways:
1) iTunes (search for "EPLT" in the iTunes store) 2) On our Podbean site, which is hosting the podcast (that's the feed that iTunes is reading) 3) The blog post itself, which I will always link to.
The cool thing is that you'll always be able to listen to it right on the blog post page with the player that's embedded.
And if it did, who's fault is it, really? I mean, were you expecting sympathy or something? This is a humour post! I would more likely do this
Seriously, though, I hope you're having a good one so far. Now that the holidays are over, the interns at the One Hit Wonders office are back to their normal selves.
I may have to keep a closer eye on these people, actually.
Anyway, it's time for this week's edition of the One Hit Wonders of the 2000s! The weekly wagfest that has a modicum of mediocrity and the hammy humour that we all know and love.
Well, *I* love it anyway. And that's all that matters.
As usual, you can find the list I'm taking these from here. And you know what? I don't even care if you look ahead. Go ahead, I dare you.
Ok, I've just *really* dated myself with that joke...
And here we go! 1) 3LW: "No More (Baby I'ma Do Right)" (#23) (April 7, 2001)
More kids!!! And good lord, what is that voice? Did they have Autotune back then? Because that is some serious distortion. And the second girl isn't much better, though at least it seems natural.
Damn, I hate it when the girls I spraypaint on the cement come to life! That's just...freaky or something.
I'm not against teen singers or anything (I was a huge fan of Debbie Gibson, back in the day....
ahhhhhh, Debbie....ahem. Sorry.
But six episodes in, I'm feeling a combination of teen angst and bubblegum poisoning right now. Yeah, right, here...on my left deltoid.
It's a very specific poisoning.
2) Jessica Andrews: "Who I Am" (#28) (April 7, 2001)
That's one tiny bedroom in that apparently big house. I guess her parents wanted more room in the rest of the house, delegating the successful kid to basically solitary confinement (though it's a nice bed).
And we have another kid! A Country kid, but a kid nonetheless (they don't grow up any differently down south).
Still, it's good that she's so self-reflective at the age of 17. How many teenagers can you say that about? Most kids' self-images are pretty bad, but she's got a good head on her shoulders.
Though I suppose you could ask: did we really need to know all of this?
You know who we need to know more about? Britney Spears. I mean, we know next to nothing about her. She leads such a sheltered life. And I'm sure it's all very interesting.
Words can't say how hot these women are, though maybe that's because I've been so inundated with jailbait that it's just nice to see somebody older.
The Corrs were big international stars (I first heard them when I moved up here to Canada), but they never really made it in the US. Not sure exactly why, because I love them to death. Then again, they did do a lot of Celtic music in addition to their Pop music, so maybe that's why.
Wait...is there a token guy in that band? I never noticed that. Geez, I wonder why that could be...
What a lucky guy that airport attendant is, though. He's just sitting there, minding his own business (not even working), and this sexy band drops in, sets up, and just starts playing. Just for him!!!
Oh, and those video cameras that were unloaded, but really, they're playing just for him.
You know that's what he's thinking. And then they seem to confirm it! Until the bikers show up. But wait, she's still interested in him? Must be the dumb look on his face.
They really aren't just teasing that guy, are they? That's just cruel. He looks like he's not capable of figuring that out.
Why do the dumb ones always get the chicks? Why can't the nerds?
I guess it's been a while since we've had a rap song.
And then we get this shit.
Don't listen to this. I'm not. I'm just including it for those of you who *want* it.
If you do want it, keep listening. Stay really entranced with it, listening closely.
We've got somebody coming for you.
5) S Club 7: "Never Had a Dream Come True" (#10) (May 12, 2001)
This group was a huge hit in the UK, but for some reason never came over here (other than this song, sadly).
After seeing their discography on Wikipedia, I have to ask those of you in the UK...
What the hell were you thinking? Liking this Pop dreck? Number 1, number 2, number 2, number 2, hit after hit...
Was it something in the water?
Thankfully the national nightmare only lasted a few years, ending in 2003. I think this is what happened to them.
Their manager was named Robin, right?
6) Sunshine Anderson: "Heard it All Before" (#18) (May 12, 2001)
For somebody with a name like "Sunshine," this is kind of a depressing song.
Wow, there's nothing like a sassy, newly single woman to turn a guy on! She's really pissed, ain't she? She should head out to the clubs and she'll have guys falling all over her.
Then again, maybe it's him cheating on her, or maybe it's the fact that he doesn't appear to be fully in our universe. All of that flickering and everything, I think his dimensional stabilizer is malfunctioning.
Better get this guy on it!
And with that, I've lost all of my non-nerd readers. Sorry about that. The rest of us will have some fun together. Screw those people who couldn't stand it. We don't need them.
Ok, I lied. PLEASE COME BACK!!! I PROMISE NO MORE NERD JOKES!!!!!!!
Ahem. Thank you.
As I was saying...
7) Tank: "Maybe I Deserve" (#38) (May 12, 2001)
Wow, sorry about the video quality. 240p???
This guy definitely went to the Minimalist school of home decor.
I always wonder about these songs that peak at #36-40. They make their appearance on the chart and then immediately fall off again. What was Casey Kasem thinking when he saw this? "This song's gone already? It wasn't really that good anyway."
I guess it does make you a one-hit wonder, in the same way that somebody with a #1 hit but nothing else is. You're part of a select group, even though your song didn't have anywhere near the success that the others did.
You're the wallflower at the party of one-hit wonders, while the successful ones are all out dancing and carousing, you're sitting by the wall thinking "I only got up to #38".
But at least you were invited to the party.
Where all the cool kids are.
Well, not as cool as this guy.
But that would be hard to top.
And there you have it! We're mid-way through 2001, and we've got bad R&B, kids, and a really cool song that I might be biased about.
Oh, and some Pop trash that continually made the MuchMusic annual Fromage list back in the day.
It really wasn't a good year, was it?
But I shall persevere! And if I have to, you have to.
So I'm off to start my day. I've got to go meet with one of my problem interns.
You know, I never seem to wear my shirt to the office for some reason.
*Update: Sheriff's office says Giffords is still alive and in surgery. Let's hope all goes well, but still, my condolences to those whose family members have died. And this doesn't change the point of my post*
*Update 2: Apparently the prognosis is good for at least some kind of recovery. That's great news! My best wishes go out to her as she works through the difficult process. And my heart goes out to those who were killed and their families.
*************
I normally don't do "Breaking News" posts on this blog, but this one (and the reaction to it) has really affected me.
Arizona Congresswoman Gabby Giffords was shot in the head, along with some other people (I'm hearing differing reports, but the last number I heard was 12) at an outside political event. As I type this, I just saw the news that she has died. What a horrifying incident this is, and all of my thoughts and condolences go out to her family (and the families of the other victims, of course).
Giffords was a Blue Dog Democrat who had just won re-election in 2010. I can't comment on her politics other than that, as I don't know her or know her history.
Thankfully, it appears that the gunman is in custody, so hopefully we'll find out the motivation behind this incomprehensible atrocity.
But you know what's horrifying me about this incident as well?
The reaction to it. People are making politics out of this already! Passing blame, condemning what they believe is the purpose behind it, all without even knowing anything. Some on the Left are already blaming Sarah Palin for this! Can you believe it?
The hair-trigger that people are on in this country right now is almost beyond belief (I say "this country" because I do consider myself still American, as well as Canadian). A prominent woman (along with multiple others, I'm seeing reports of now) have been killed. Murdered in cold blood on a public street.
And you're playing politics? NOW???? While the blood is still wet on the street?
Reprehensible. Those of you who are doing this should be ashamed of yourself.
There can be a variety of reasons for an incident like this. Let the investigation take place and find out what really happened before you jump into this and start casting blame about.
This terrible tragedy really saddens me.
The reaction to it just heaps more sadness on top of it.
It's a symptom of the sick political culture that we're living in right now.
No, I'm not talking about a good steak (though that is totally awesome too). I'm talking about the video game Super Meat Boy.
Not only do I love the game, but I can't stop playing it despite the fact that it continues to beat me and beat me and beat me and beat me and...well, you get the idea. Instead of saying "enough of this! I'm playing something else!", I stare at the TV screen, thumb throbbing from pushing buttons, and say "more, please?"
Yes, this is the evil person that's treating me like this. And it's wrong. So wrong. Yet it's also right. So right.
So just what the hell is Super Meat Boy, anyway? First, in a game like this, there really isn't a "story." Much like Mario in Donkey Kong, all you need to know is that you're trying to save the princess from the mad monkey by running, climbing, jumping, etc.
In Super Meat Boy, you're Meat Boy. Yes, a piece of meat with legs. Your girlfriend, Bandage Girl, has been kidnapped by Dr. Fetus (yes, a fetus in a mechanical suit...don't ask). You go through the huge number of different levels trying to reach Bandage Girl, only to have her stolen away again every time you do so.
Super Meat Boy is a throwback, both graphically and gameplay-wise, to those old platformers in the old days. Think Mario. Think MegaMan, think...well, I didn't play a lot of platformers in my past, so I can't think of any others, but they are out there!
Your button pressing has to be precise, because one false move and you will either fall to your death or be ripped up by spinning buzzsaws. All with a kind of sickening, yet also entertaining, "squish" sound. And with lots of red flying across the screen when it happens.
(This is one of early levels, already looking insane and dangerous)
Don't worry, though. The graphics are straight out of 1989 Nintendo, so it isn't really "graphic" violence or anything like that. Besides, if a piece of raw meat was cut up by a buzzsaw, I think there would be blood!
One cool thing about Super Meat Boy is that, in addition to being a throwback graphically and gameplay-wise, it also includes a lot of classic characters that you can unlock and play as. There's Commander Video, Tim (from the game Braid, which I've heard is an awesome game as well), the Pink Knight from Castle Crashers, and a bunch more. Some of the characters you unlock by collecting a certain number of bandages scattered throughout the game world. Others, you unlock by solving their "warp zones".
The game has a number of worlds, with 20 levels in each world. If you complete the level in the recommended time, you get an "A+" rating and unlock the dark world equivalent of that level. It will be a little harder, but still manageable. All in all, I think there are something like 300 levels in the game.
Insane!!!!
And this game might drive you insane. It can be *really* difficult at times, with precision jumping and button-mashing required. You will die. A *lot*. But each level is so short, the reincarnation is instantaneous, so you never feel *too* bad when you die. It's not like some games where you do a lot of stuff and then, when you die, you have to repeat all of it. This one, you've basically wasted about 10 seconds at most.
And when you do finally complete a level?
Yep, that's the feeling you get.
Also hilarious is that, when you complete a level, the game will show you a replay of every attempt you made to complete the level. All at once. In other words, if you died 30 times, you will see 30 Meat Boys running and jumping along, all of them getting gished on a saw or falling to their doom, except the one version that finally makes it to the top.
While the game can be frustratingly difficult at times, it rarely gets to the point where you want to throw your controller at the TV. No, it just adds to your determination that you WILL BEAT THIS #$@%@%@% LEVEL before you go to bed. And when you complete the level, you just have to play the next one a couple of times...just to see what it's like before you turn the game off for bedtime.
Then, three hours later, when you finally complete *that* level, the cycle repeats itself.
I've completed 20% of the game (32% of the "light" world and 13% of the "dark" world), and I've already died 2165 times.
Yet I still keep coming back for more.
That's a sign of a good game. Though keep in mind, it's not for everybody.
Hi, I'm Dave. And I'm a Meaty Masochist.
Edit: I guess I should add that this game is available on XBox Live Arcade, PC & Mac, and (I think) the Wii as well. Not sure on the last one.
I've been a member of Digg for a while now, but I haven't really used it much. Part of me wonders if that should change, so I'm checking things out a little bit and deciding whether I want to jump into the waters or not.
For those of you who don't know, Digg is a sharing site, where users can share articles, blog posts, and other things they find on the Internet that they think are interesting, cool, or just something they feel their followers should know about. People set up accounts there, and can follow (and be followed by) other Digg users. If somebody follows you, then what you Digg will show up on their home page.
If you've explored the web at all, whether blogs, news sites, or what have you, you've probably seen something at the bottom of an article that says you can "Digg" it. That makes it easy for people to do it, because the only other way is to go to Digg and manually cut and paste the URL. Not fun.
So anyway, back to my thinking. I've got a couple of thoughts/questions to discuss. 1) For those of you who have Digg accounts (or feel free to substitute any of the others), how often do you use it? Do you go to Digg a lot and see what the people you're following are up to? Do you submit a lot of articles to Digg? How often? Just when the spirit moves you, or are you pretty diligent about Digging stuff you like?
I'm going to try and be a bit more diligent about sharing stuff that I like, as I've been pretty lax about it. Those of you following me on Digg (and who are doing it for more than just because we're friends) have been missing out on some good stuff I've been reading. I am going to try and rectify that.
Without spamming, of course.
2) What's your opinion of groups designed to get your posts Diggs? In much the same vein as the "I'll follow your blog if you follow mine," way of thinking, there are groups out there where you submit every post you make to the group, with the design that people in the group will Digg it. In return, you're expected to Digg posts that others submit to the group.
It strikes me as kind of wrong to do this, even with the caveat that you should "only Digg the articles you really like" on the list. What if you don't like any of them? And if the group has 400+ members? Are you really expected to read everything?
I guess I should explain for those who are still reading and don't know how this works. The more Diggs you get, the higher your post moves on the Digg site for other people (people who *aren't* following you) to see. It's a way to judge popularity, and gaming the system like this goes against that idea, I think. I think such popularity should be organic, not manufactured.
Your thoughts?
3) Finally, and kind of along the same lines, what do you think about Digging your own stuff? It may seem hypocritical, but I'm actually a proponent of Digging your own stuff. There's nothing wrong with a bit of self-promotion, as long as that's not your sole purpose for doing things. If you're on Twitter and the only thing you tweet is stuff advertising yourself, then that's lame. But if you're advertising yourself *and* interacting, what's wrong with that?
There has been a lot of discussion on this online over the last few years (I found this article, and its comment string, interesting). Some people consider *any* self-promotion on a site like this (or even Twitter) as wrong, but I have to ask. If you're not going to promote yourself, how else is anybody going to know you're out there?
Again, though, there should be more to you than self-promotion. Or people are going to ignore you.
And rightfully so.
Finally, I have a request for you, my reader(s). You may have noticed the "Digg" button at the bottom of all my posts. That's an example of what I was talking about above, a way that makes it easy for users to Digg stuff without much effort.
I hate those people who, on every post, ask you to Digg their post/article/whatever. Much like Presidential speeches, less is more. If everything's important enough for a speech, then nothing's that important.
The same with Digg requests. If you want people to Digg everything you write, then you're probably not writing anything worth Digging.
But I do want to ask that, if you find something on this site worthy, please consider Digging it. It's another way for you to spread the word that you liked something I wrote.
And I know I'd be happy with any of the extra traffic (if any) it would drive here.
I only ask you to *consider* Digging every post. After reading it, if you decide it's worth it, click that button. If it's ok but nothing special, then don't. And if it's *really* bad, consider Digging it so everybody can laugh at me.
(What, that won't work? Ok, well, I tried)
It would make me happy if you did that.
Also, I'd love to hear your thoughts on this! Please leave a comment if you have anything you want to share.
It's a brand new year, and those of us from the One Hit Wonders franchise hope that you have a wonderful new year, with lots of great stuff happening to you and for you. Basically, we hope that your life isn't like this guy's
Because that would truly suck.
May all of your hopes and dreams come true.
Well, maybe not *all* of them (that looks damned uncomfortable, and you really should be ashamed of yourself).
Me? Well, I plan to continue to be the most benevolent boss in the world.
Yes, that's right! Reduced price bus tickets so they can come into work. And I've even requested that the buses run later, since I don't let them go until 2am.
Because that's just the kind of guy I am.
So welcome to a brand new year of one-hit wonders!!! I aim to keep the same quality of humour that you've all come to love and enjoy ("Wait, I thought you wanted to *increase* readership, not decrease it" - The Peanut Gallery).
We're entering 2001 now, and full steam ahead! You can find the list I'm taking these from here.
Don't say I didn't warn you if you go look ahead. You never know what will be waiting for you.
Here we go! 1) Debelah Morgan: "Dance With Me" (#8) (January 6, 2001)
What a hot way to start 2001! A great dance song that's not hard on the ears. Is that a first, or what? It's fitting that this song peaked the week of New Year's Eve, since I'm sure there was lots of dancing (and other stuff) going on that week.
The dance partner stealing going on is kind of confusing, though. Were there people crashing the video shoot?
"Get out of here! We're making a video! Leave my star alone!" I can hear the director shouting right now.
Of course, that could just be my fevered imagination. It is New Year's weekend, after all.
What was in that hootch I was drinking?
2) Mikaila: "So In Love With Two" (#25) (January 6, 2001)
Ok, let me get this straight. This girl is 14 years old (at the time of the song), and she's in love with two guys, not being able to make up her mind. In the video, she's staring at the camera like it's a third guy she's got her eye on, shot super-provocatively, with her eyes just daring the viewer to lust after her. With guys pawing all over her in the video.
What the hell is wrong with this picture???????
Pertaining to the song itself, just what we need: another ode to indecision when it comes to love. And the selfishness of not *making* the decision, but instead trying to have it all.
Hmmmm. I wonder why Mikaila may be having this problem.
MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE 14 YEARS OLD!!!!!!
You're welcome for that bit of insight.
3)Fuel: "Hemorrhage (In My Hands)" (#30) (January 20, 2001)
"Don't you remember anything I said?" Hey, maybe she just couldn't understand a word you said, Mr. Lead Singer! You ever think of that? Try to enunciate.
Yeah, so even a dog can understand.
Nice of them to let the drummer do the dramatic stuff in the video.
And what's with that ending? It was all a dream? A fake? Her twin sister coming to mess with his mind?
Seriously, the lead singer needs to dial down the intensity a little, or he's going to pop a blood vessel.
Which might actually be a cool stage trick. Ozzy Osborne, eat your heart out.
4) Evan & Jaron: "Crazy For This Girl" (#15) (March 3, 2001)
Oh, great! A Dawson's Creek song/video! My day has just been made.
And I have to ask these guys: What the hell are you talking about? You've got groupies! They come up to you in bars, grab their fathers' guitars so you can play a song or two in the bar, and I'm sure they go home with you afterwards, if you want them to.
And you can't tell this girl you're crazy about her? I think you've got more serious problems than having an annoying one-hit wonder.
Am I the only one who finds this wild reaction to them playing at the bar, with women all calling their friends, saying "Get on down here! Evan & Jaron are playing!!!!!" (with the "&" symbol and everything, because they speak Greek, don't ya know) as truly ironic considering hardly anybody ever liked any of their other songs? (Checks Wikipedia quickly just to make sure they didn't disappear because one of them died or something...whew! They didn't. Just their careers).
That being said, one of the two (do we care which?) has started a reasonably successful Country career recently, so more power to him!
At least I don't have to listen to him.
5) ATC: "Around the World (La La La La La)" (#33) (March 3, 2001)
I actually remember this song!!! I'm not sure if that's a good thing or bad thing.
Maybe it's just me, but aren't these rooms usually padded? Or are they being studied?
Actually, I think ATC is probably a sinister government experiment in mind control.
No, not on these four "singers." But on the rest of us. Does constant word repetition insidiously work itself into the brain until it becomes mush? Easily controlled? We need somebody to look into this.
Wow, a #1 song that's a one-hit wonder? This is almost unheard of! Sadly, not totally.
And I think it's well-deserved in this case. No, not the #1 ranking. The song sucks. I'm talking about their one-hit wonder status.
I can tell you one thing: there are more piercings in this video than there are M&Ms in a Costco box of M&Ms.
You know that's a lot!!! They're pretty ugly, too. And what's with the underwear? Belts will help you not show the top of it.
Did that just solidify my old curmudgeon credentials?
I think it did.
I just sat through that entire song, and I feel my IQ has dropped 50 points.
I can't afford that! See what I go through for you?
7) Eden's Crush: "Get Over Yourself" (#8) (March 31, 2001)
What a video!!!!! Whew! I'm sweating right now, that's for sure.
Wait, are they singing too? I didn't notice.
Yeah, I always have guy parties where they come over just to watch hot women dance. Oh, for my single days. We knew how to have fun!
And with Eden's Crush, we enter the era of TV-produced musical acts, as they are graduates of the WB series "Popstars". I know I can't wait to find all of the American Idol rejects in the one-hit wonder soup! For every Kelly Clarkson or Clay Aiken, there's....well, somebody who I'm sure had one hit and then disappeared.
And so we end the first quarter of 2001. So far, not so good. A couple of dance hits, a really, really bad song that's really kind of a rap but has discovered a level of suckitude all its own (and people actually *liked* it? Really? What's up with that? Well, I guess it is what it is) and a couple of really bad pop songs.
Hopefully the rest of the year won't be this bad. But we'll persevere regardless! Hey man (and woman), I'm here for you.
I'll get you through this. Because I'm just the sensitive type that helps with these things.
And I'm totally not trying to get into your pants.
I will save you from these bad videos!!!
Body armor is a must.
So now it's time for me to start my day. I'm trying out my new idea.
*sigh* That never happened to Allen Funt or Ashton Kutcher.
